Let’s see…I left off with the birth of our daughter Sadie Grace. I know you may hear this countless times, but there is no greater love than the love you have for your child. There is simply no other love like it. Michael and I were head over heals with our little Sadie. I hate to say this, but that first week is a bit of a blur now. What I do remember is that we were sleep deprived but running on baby love, so it didn’t seem to matter.
To back track a little bit, Sadie was born on August 20. When we found out we were expecting her in August, (right smack in the middle of back to school) I immediately thought, no one is going to want to hire a pregnant lady, who by the way, will need to take off the first three months of school. If you are a teacher, you can imagine the anxiety. That’s when Michael and I decided that I would take the year to be at home with the baby. I felt extremely fortunate and at ease. I could focus on this little bundle of joy and soak up all of her sweetness.
The first month was hard. I mean really, really hard. You hear that all the time when you are expecting your first child. I thought, yeah, yeah, I know it will be hard, but I really had no idea. I cried a lot….my poor husband! It would come out of no where, and I couldn’t control it. It was usually a big ugly, hyperventilating cry too. It’s the weirdest feeling. You are so incredibly happy and filled with an unimaginable love, but you are also terrified and anxious. It helped to talk to my sisters and friends about it because it was normal. We shared stories about who cried more and who cried about the most ridiculous thing. I think my sister, Stephanie wins. Right after the birth of my nephew, she cried because she did not want her son to be beat up on the school bus. Wait what???? I cried when Sadie was 10 days old because I said I didn’t want her to go to daycare. If you remember, I am not working this year, and there was never any talk about daycare, so where that came from….who knows?!?
Fast forward twelve weeks later, and I felt a whole lot better. I was less anxious, felt more comfortable with being a mom, and hey, we were even on a little schedule. Don’t get me wrong, there were days where she just cried and cried, and we didn’t know why. But then, I started to see those little gummy baby smiles and my heart just melted. She started to have a little personality. Michael and I just sit and stare at her as her little head wobbles around and she takes in the world around her. For the longest time, she thought the ceiling fan was just the jam! She would smile at it like it was her long lost friend. I am happy to say that she gives Michael and I those big grins now instead.
So, at this point you may be wondering where this whole blogging thing comes in to play. Well, I had a complete meltdown a week ago. I was tired and felt like I was stuck in this cycle. While everyday gets a bit easier, it’s still the most challenging and demanding job. I thank God every day for Michael because he is so supportive and the most amazing dad. I cannot imagine doing this alone. And when I tried to explain to him through my big ugly tears why I was crying, he did not judge but rather justified all my feelings and what I was saying. It felt so good to just get everything off my chest.
A day later, my emotions were back in check. Michael looked at me and said, “you should start a blog.” It took only a few minutes for me to realize that I should start one, and I needed to start one.
So, while I hope this blog is entertaining and people can relate to it in one way or another, I am relieved to have some place to lay it all out there.